I learned a long time ago never to judge a book by its cover. Having struggled so long with my own up and down then back up weight battle it is hard to know where in life someone is with their own journey.
UPDATE 10/2014 – I decided to revisit this post for a moment because someone called me fat.
I really wanted to film for YUM eating. I thought it would be a lot of fun. I started my personal YouTube channel in 2005 and had so many plans for it. I have watched countless times over the years people ‘win big’ in the YouTube market and I always wanted to be one of those people, but my life just isn’t all that exciting.
Even though my kitchen is really out and pretty outdated I felt that our silly family time could really add to my posts here at YUM. So, we collected our iPhones and started to film. Since I do a few recipes in one day we just kept the filming going. We had a lot of bloopers and there are a few spots where the phone goes sideways. *shrugs* Ooops, my bad.
My okie accent comes out a bit, too.
As I sit here today editing these videos I decided to go ahead and put the bloopers up because I thought it would be fun to let people get a quick peek at what’s coming up. I’m also having problems with my editor wanting to shut down during the longer videos so I am testing out some other programs as I type this.
Can I be honest here?
It is taking everything I have to not delete those posts and take them all down. Honestly, I’m thinking about not doing the video channel at all.
My PCOS has caused me a lot of weight gain these last few years. The osteoarthritis/degenerative disc as cause me a lot of pain. The depression has caused me to hide. Now I look at myself and I wonder – “How could I let myself get like that?”
All the bad memories of my childhood come rushing back when all the kids made fun of me for being the fat kid. Those scars remain and it hurts. I wonder what people are going to think. The fat girl with the ugly kitchen trying to put together a cooking channel. No one is going to take me seriously.
Then I sit here and reflect on my life and all I have had to endure. I am a survivor. I’ve been through things that you wouldn’t wish on your worst enemy.
So, I’m doing it. I’m working on my body image and self-esteem. I’m putting myself out there. Kiddo had fun making these videos and I am not taking that cooking life/dream away from her just because I am afraid.
Hey! I did a 5k y’all!
So, here are a few of the bloopers from the roasted chicken that will be posted soon.
Is it Soup?
Where’s the Water?