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Roasted Chicken Bloopers Is Teaching Me About Body Image

journeyI learned a long time ago never to judge a book by its cover. Having struggled so long with my own up and down then back up weight battle it is hard to know where in life someone is with their own journey.

UPDATE 10/2014 – I decided to revisit this post for a moment because someone called me fat.

I really wanted to film for YUM eating. I thought it would be a lot of fun. I started my personal YouTube channel in 2005 and had so many plans for it. I have watched countless times over the years people ‘win big’ in the YouTube market and I always wanted to be one of those people, but my life just isn’t all that exciting.

Even though my kitchen is really out and pretty outdated I felt that our silly family time could really add to my posts here at YUM. So, we collected our iPhones and started to film. Since I do a few recipes in one day we just kept the filming going. We had a lot of bloopers and there are a few spots where the phone goes sideways. *shrugs* Ooops, my bad.

My okie accent comes out a bit, too.

As I sit here today editing these videos I decided to go ahead and put the bloopers up because I thought it would be fun to let people get a quick peek at what’s coming up. I’m also having problems with my editor wanting to shut down during the longer videos so I am testing out some other programs as I type this.

Can I be honest here?

I’m struggling.

It is taking everything I have to not delete those posts and take them all down. Honestly, I’m thinking about not doing the video channel at all.

My PCOS has caused me a lot of weight gain these last few years. The osteoarthritis/degenerative disc as cause me a lot of pain. The depression has caused me to hide. Now I look at myself and I wonder – “How could I let myself get like that?”

All the bad memories of my childhood come rushing back when all the kids made fun of me for being the fat kid. Those scars remain and it hurts. I wonder what people are going to think. The fat girl with the ugly kitchen trying to put together a cooking channel. No one is going to take me seriously.


scars and pain

Then I sit here and reflect on my life and all I have had to endure. I am a survivor. I’ve been through things that  you wouldn’t wish on your worst enemy.

So, I’m doing it. I’m working on my body image and self-esteem. I’m putting myself out there. Kiddo had fun making these videos and I am not taking that cooking life/dream away from her just because I am afraid.

Hey! I did a 5k y’all!

So, here are a few of the bloopers from the roasted chicken that will be posted soon.

Is it Soup?

Where’s the Water?

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  1. I hope you go for it! I hope your cooking show is wildly successful. I got really sick too and topped out at 223 lbs. I hated myself. But I’m losing it slowly now and I realize how much I missed out on by hiding. You are a beautiful lady and you just look like a normal person. None of us actually look like those stick insects they train to walk up and down runways. Also, I share your passion for cooking. I am a total foodie and always wanted my own restaurant. So, if you will join me, we will be butt-hipsters! “We had big butts before it was cool!”

    1. It’s a huge learning process. I had to use the iPhone because I no longer own a video camera. We kept turning the phone the wrong way so bits and pieces of the video make your head turn. LOL. I was going to wait until we moved next year to film because my kitchen isn’t all that pretty. But, I decided to just suck it up and give it a try. Then, when I watched the videos, all those negative Nancy’s came creeping back into my head.

      We had a lot of fun filming. I need to get better at editing so they aren’t quite so long because the actual cooking video took a bit and I don’t think anyone is going to sit through the whole thing. We aren’t that funny. 😉

      Theresa, thank you so much for the comment. YouTube is just like building a website. It does take time. I have watched so many people over the years become successful so I know it can be done.

      Butt-hipsters it is!!! *hugs*

  2. I hope you go for it, too! You have a sense of humor and I think people will really love that – I laughed so hard when you forgot to put water in it… that is something I would do!

    1. It’s ok Tay, you can say I am a dork. LOL. I can’t believe I forgot the water. I usually put that in first. I was so nervous and it was weird being filmed, but we had fun.

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