Book Review: Recovering the Self: Forgiveness
It is always a pleasure to do reviews for The Loving Healing Press, and Recovering the Self has become one of my favorite things to read. While this is not a review in the typical sense, it does make me think about things in my own life when I read this publication. If you like things that help you heal, I highly recommend that you pick up this.
I reviewed a paperback copy I received on Self-Employed Writer (the website I used to own). This review is of an older edition in eBook form for the Nook. It was gifted to me for doing a previous review.
The opinions from this point on are my own, and despite the gift, I am not required to write a positive review or even a review at all.
Recovering the Self is for all types of survivors. It can be from an event, such as a car accident which can cause mental, emotional, and physical trauma, or something like cancer survival. I tend to gravitate towards the rape and sexual abuse survivors because those are the stories to which I can relate.
Forgiveness: A God Thing? By Bristy Lowry is one of those articles I gravitated towards.
Forgiveness is something I have struggled with my whole life. For those who don’t know my history, I was sexually abused by my father. I do not remember my first time. I am sure it’s somewhere in my mind. I just choose not to dig it out. I can remember the last time, I was 12. I was raped when I was 18. I found out the molester was not my biological father when I was 26.
At any rate, I tend not to forgive these people that caused me trauma. It’s hard to do. Once I forgave my father for molesting me when I was in therapy. My therapist wanted me to write him a letter, asking him all the “why” questions I could think of. I did. In my own way, I forgave him. I even tried to build a new relationship with him while he was still in OK. But he would not stop using drugs. In and out of prison. About five years ago I asked him for help with my divorce. He gave me money for the U-Haul which I deposited into my checking account. He reserved the U-Haul with his credit card. When I went to pick up the U-Haul, I gave them my Visa, which was my debit card, with the assurance they would NOT charge the card my dad had given them.
Flash forward some weeks later when I arrive in Michigan. I get settled and unpacked. I am trying to start life all over. He asks me to come over. I do. I handed him a check for the amount of the check he gave me. He then sat there and argued with me for an hour about how I owed him for the money he gave me AND the money that was charged to his credit card. No. I am giving you your money back with the check I gave you. That cancels out both checks. I will still give you the original payment, which was accidentally charged to your credit card.
Oh, it gets better. I know he was strung out on drugs. It did not help, and so did his girlfriend. My mom came back to pick me up, and he started screaming at her because his girlfriend was yelling at me.
Let’s just say it never got resolved.
When he tells the story to people now, I owe him $1000. The U-Haul was about $385. That’s a big difference.
He was in prison for the last few years. He was strung out on drugs again, prescriptions that were not his, and a violation of his parole. He hit a man in oncoming traffic. He died.
Do I feel like I should forgive him? No. Will I ever? No. As far as I am concerned, I gave him a chance to forgive him and start over as a father, but he ruined that. I owe him nothing more.
Sure, I am angry. And I know people say you can’t carry anger around forever. But I feel I have just to let it all go for some reason.
It doesn’t consume me or ruin my life. He honestly doesn’t even exist to me.
Sometimes I think the need for people to forgive is overrated. It’s easy to tell the person who carries the hurt and anger to forgive. But until you have to do the forgiving, you will never really understand just how hard it is.
That is why I am thankful to have crossed paths with The Loving Healing Press. I have had the privilege of reading many great publications.
If you or a loved one has been through some pain and trauma, please visit their website for a host of easy-read books for help. You will be thankful you did.
~Chrystal
