Seeing the Light

The other day I made a post and one of the things I mentioned was how I was in a good place in life. I wasn’t easy. I went through a few months of self-doubt and then, quite literally, I woke up one morning and realized I did not want to be in this position anymore. I knew I needed to get help for my mental health issues. I knew, that as much as I didn’t want to, I knew I had to get my medication sorted once and for all.

Not knowing where to turn, I headed back to a place I had tried once in the past with my ex. I was opened-minded and hopefull that maybe by now they had a new therapist and things would be different somehow.

I was right and I hit the jackpot with the therapist. My words cannot express enough how wonderful I think this lady is. She has been an absolute godsend to me. One of the things that was extremely helpful this go-round was that my therapist suffered some of the same things I went through. None of my other therapists or psychiatrists had been through, or even something closely related to, what I had been through. It makes it tough, I think, to relate on a level that is sometimes necessary to get your patient to trust you and really open up.

When I first started therapy, I had homework all the time and I was seeing her weekly. It has been a long journey and quite the process.

I had to start chipping away at things. Letting go of my past was a really bit thing. I’ve had a lot of damage to myself because of the things that happened to me, especially what happened to me for so long in my childhood.

I had to learn to take steps forward without fear. I let fear take over my life the last few years of my relationship with my ex. It got to a point it was so bad I never wanted to leave the house.

I had to learn that it is okay to just be myself. No longer can I make apologies for who I am. I am very much living in this whole – take me as I am or leave me – world.

I haven’t really been keeping up with Nevermore Lane because I really needed the time to focus on me. I had neglected me for far too long and learning to do so was something new and foreign to me. I still need a lot of work, but now the future doesn’t seem so bleak and dark. Matter of fact, I can see the light at the end of the tunnel.

I don’t know if you have ever seen that light before, but it sure is beautiful.

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  1. Wow! I really needed this today and I’m glad to hear your update in these matters. I see that light at the end of my tunnel frequently. It is beautiful. (Okay, mine is the TARDIS, hahaha, but still…) It’s so refreshing to hear someone going through something similar. I still kick myself for drunk-partying that really is more innocent than I give myself credit for.

    But the confidence understanding is so important as you mention waking up one morning and realizing what you want and can do. I just got off the “phone” with a friend and I was saying that having enough people in my life is the first step to healing. Now I’m trying to acclimate to having that, knowing my home is in good standing, and also acclimate to all of this while not having anhedonia nor frigidity problems, just being much more healthy emotionally. The baggage of the recent past still lingers and that’s tough, but I’m looking forward to this new life. And I owe you a letter! Thank you for this post!

    1. I’m still not sure what my light is 😉 I will let you know when I get a little closer.

      I keep telling myself “I don’t know where I’m going, but I can’t ever go back to where I was.” Seems to be working. I just keep trying and pushing along.

    1. It really does and I am getting so much better about keeping positive people in my social circle. It really does make all the difference.

  2. These posts are the ones I love to read the most. Posts like this always speak to me on a level much deeper than tips on doing whatever. It’s the kind of post that helps me step back, reevaluate how I’m living, and decide what I can do to choose happiness. Thanks!

    1. I agree with you Stacie. I love personal stories as well. I feel like you really get to know the person behind the website and it shows we are all only human.

  3. Posts like this are always so inspirational. It’s so important to be yourself and if the people in your life can’t accept you for who you are then maybe you don’t need them.

    1. I really had to focus on myself and my life direction. There was so much going on after my spit from my ex. So much better now.

  4. Sometimes the right people come into our lives at the right time. I’m so happy you found the best fit for support that you need. Can’t wait to see what the light at the end of the tunnel holds for you.

  5. There are times when we’re going through a tough time in our lives when we suddenly get fed up and start wanting some changes. It’s nice that you finally realized this and redid your view on the life that you’re living.

    1. So true! I was fed up a long time ago and just didn’t know how to get away from the things which were bringing me down. It was a struggle but I am glad I went through it or I would be where I am now.

  6. This is such an inspiring post. I have had some struggles over the last five years but I now can see the light and I continue to move forward.

  7. It’s so refreshing when you see the light. I feel like there have always been times when I felt like there was no light but I managed to find it. Although it was probably easier for me because I didn’t have childhood issues to work through. I look up to people who have gone through so much and yet can find themselves. I’m cheering you on!

  8. Hi my love I know you been going through a lot. I am so happy you have been seeings someone, and an emphatic therapist who can genuinely relate. I promise I am going to write you when I get back home I have been traveling so much and my car accident from months ago prevented me from doing so much…but I definitely want to send you some personal love outside the blog to let you know its going to be ok. I know you like real letters so give me a few weeks! Keep seeing your therapist and take it day by day!

    1. Life has been moving full-speed ahead for both of us! So many things I still have to work on, but at least now I know I will get there.
      It’s been amazing to watch your journey and I was so heartbroken for you when I learned of your car accident. I know first-hand how that can rock your world.
      You are a strong, beautiful, vibrant woman and I adore you for that.
      Can’t wait to hear from you!

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