I think everyone knows now, but just in case you were not aware, on November 19, 2015 Mr. McConnell and myself separated. Just 12 days after we celebrated our 4th wedding anniversary I packed up my life and set up shop 10 miles away here at my mother’s house. The divorce papers have been filed. It’s just a matter of weeks now before we step in front of a judge and tell him or her that things are no longer the same between us.
I am thankful and feel extremely blessed for all the good times we had. I’m sorry that the bad times, no matter what we did, always seemed to outweigh the good. We’re trying to keep things positive and continue to be helpful in each others life. I know most people go through terrible divorces, so I know that I should be glad things are not turning ugly. What some people don’t know is that this is not my first. I was divorced in 2007; but I had moved across the U.S. and never had to show up in court. I just had papers mailed to me telling me I was now divorced and congrats on your new name!
Ok, not really on the congrats part. That was all me. 😉
When Matt told me it was just time, I was worried things were going to get ugly fast. I watched him go through his first divorce with kiddo’s mom and that was not a pleasant experience at all. There was a lot of anger and revenge issues going on from her side which just made for an anxious situation for everyone involved. For the record, they were separated a year before I met him and already in their divorce. I am not the reason for their splitting. Just want to clear the air there.
Honestly though, I was only a year out of my divorce and a few weeks away from a year-long on-again off-again relationship and he was dealing with his own. Despite thinking we had zip, zero, zilch feelings for out exes, we never went through the stages of mourning. I think this is part of what was wrong in our relationship. Even though we had good times together, it was painfully obvious that even though we cared about each other a great deal, there were things necessary in a relationship that were just missing in ours. But, neither of us wanted to end things and hurt the other.
We tried to make it work. We really did. We loved each other enough to try. But, even with therapy and outside help from friends and family, we just could not force a love that wasn’t there.
There are NO hard feelings though. We had some wonderful times and awesome experiences together. I have no regrets about trying to make things work and doing all the things together which we did. I’m a different person now. I’ve grown and evolved into this wonderful, brutally honest, 40 year-old women who is just discovering what it means to really live life.
I have spent my whole life being afraid. Even though I survived horrible abuse as a child, I never quite lived life to the fullest.
I plan to spend the second half of my life doing just that. Discovering who I am. Learning to stand on my own two feet.
Mr. McConnell and I plan to stay friends; but having gone through another divorce, I can’t lie. I did mess with my self-esteem. I needed a pick-me-up. I was worried I was going to fall into another trap. So, I picked up Conscious Uncoupling by Katherine Woodward Thomas. Within its pages are five steps to living happily, even, after. I know there is a whole new life waiting for me after the divorce. The vision isn’t so clear, nor do I know how I am going to get from point A to point B, but I do know I have to break my relationship cycle.
I’m just starting the five steps. Right now, the first step is helping me to navigate this new-found friendship and mourn the loss of love. It’s a very scary thing, but I am confident I can do it.
I’m listening world. I’m listening in ways I haven’t listened before.
I’ll get there. I have faith I have the steps necessary to get me where I need to be and heal correctly.
I’ll give you guys and update when I have completed the five step program.
Disclosure: I received this book for free from the publisher in exchange for my honest review. I am not being compensated for my time. All opinions are 100% my own.
Stacie @ Divine Lifestyle says
I think this is a read that everyone who’s left a relationship behind needs to absorb. It’s so important to realize that life goes on. It’s not the end of the world.
Robin Rue (@massholemommy) says
I am divorced from my kids dad and we get along better now than when we were married. Go figure.
Betsy Segars says
Divorce is a crazy thing for all parties. I’m glad you are looking on the bright side of things. Life isnt’ over, it’s only beginning!
I can definitely imagine that this would mess with your self esteem, I hope the five step program helps. Sounds like a helpful book.
Liz Mays says
I wish you the best of luck and peace as you travel this road. I hope the five steps work really well for you.
Ann Bacciaglia says
My friend is going threw a divorce right now. I will have to get a copy of this book for her.
Seattle Travel Blogger says
You sound like you turned the corner in life to self discovery.
You are a brave lady! Good luck.
I think the second half of your life is the best yet to come! I think you’ll do great, and I have no doubts that it will be amazing for you!
Lisa Joy Thompson says
I’m sorry for what you’re going through but glad to hear things are going peacefully! I hope that this book will help with the healing process!
Kim Croisant says
I sure know a friend who could benefit from reading this…but that would be her choice. I don’t even want to think about it. I’ve been there before and it’s painful.
diana elizabeth says
Sending you good wishes of strength, positivity and hope. I’ve had friends go through divorces and I try to be there as best as I can as a friend. I’ve had an engagement get called off 3 weeks before the wedding, and life does go on, and sometimes, it goes on in a way we never imagined, better, and sometimes when we think of all the hope that can be waiting for us, it can put a really big smile on our face. xo
Divorce is so tough no matter how much both people know it’s needed. Having a book like this to help you through it is a really great thing that I think many people don’t turn to.
Kelly Hutchinson says
Divorce is never pleasant and it is not something I want to do again, that’s for sure. I have been divorced twice and it sucked. I am glad there are no hard feeling with your and hour soon to be ex.
I’m sure this would be really helpful for anyone leaving a relationship. I’ve had friends that have read this book and it’s really helped them.
Sounds like a very interesting story! Something I would be interested in!
I wish my divorce was a conscious uncoupling. It wasn’t, I’m going through it now, it is the ugliest thing I’ve ever seen and I cannot wait for it to just be over. Good luck to you and to me.
I’m sorry to hear you are going through a divorce, too. 🙁
It’s tough to imagine a life beyond marriage when someone gets divorce. This book definitely gives some perspective
Divorce is never easy on anyone so it’s great to see you are looking on the bright side of things. Look at it as a new chapter, not the end of the book.
You are write. My story is not over, I am just writing a new chapter..or maybe a whole new book!