Conscious Uncoupling : Step Five and Beyond
Sometimes in life you just have to realize that things aren’t going to change unless you start taking steps to make those changes. It can be a hard pill to swallow; especially if you don’t know where to start.
Since the day the ex and I parted ways, I knew it was up to me to make changes in my life, but I had no idea where to even start chipping away.
Step 5 : Create Your Happily-Even-After Life
- In this final step you will be supported to make wise, healthy, and life-affirming decisions as you take on the essential tasks of reinventing your life and setting up vital new structures that will allow you and all involved to thrive after this transition.
- There is a beautiful life waiting on the other side.
I knew first I needed to go through the mourning process. No longer was I was in a relationship, I was no longer a mother. I don’t think a lot of people really realize just how hard of an adjustment that was. I know there are mothers out there who do not think step-parenting is being a parent and I am here to assure you I was just as much of a parent, if not more, that kiddos birth mother. Out of respect to my ex, his family, and kiddo, I will not put kiddos mom on blast. She knows what she has done and there is a reason my ex was able to get full custody of his daughter.
While her father and I parted on good terms it went through a very emotional period. A period where I started to second guess myself, not so much in whether the relationship should have stayed together to try “just one more time” but mostly I questioned how much of the split up was due to an affair, and how long had that affair been going on since a new girl moved in very soon after I moved out. I started to question some of kiddos behaviors towards the end of the relationship, wondering, despite some of that having to due with issues she was having with her own mother, how much of that was something she saw dad doing and she was forced to keep it a secret from me.
I will never have a definite answer. And, I don’t really care.
I barely talk to him anymore. I don’t get to see kiddo or talk to her much. It breaks my heart, but I know there will come a time where she is able to go and do what she wants to do and not be at the mercy of others dictating where she goes and what she does. She has begged me to see her. But, every time I try, the new girlfriend, her dad, his mother, his dad and step mom, or kiddo mom, or grandma or any of the extended family get first priority over me these days.
It’s sad when its two hearts that break.
Its sad when I have to tell my best friends children that “no, I wont be bringing kiddo over for today’s family dinner.” I’m always met with the sigh sound of a let down.
Our divorce was finalized in June. I can count on one hand how many times I have seen kiddo since her father and I parted ways.
If only life could slow down, maybe then she and I could catch up.
I am in a good place in life. I only wish she could see that.
Read the Rest of the Series:
Working Through the Book – Step One